you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize