apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize