chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
