Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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