from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
zippers are such a cool invention
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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