it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
