dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
