Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is it penis luge time yet?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
