Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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