And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
