Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
