remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I touched a dick in church today
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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