All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
