so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
