The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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