someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize