Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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