chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
