Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize