Do you still have your period?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
