Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
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