There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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