Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
