apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
