there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
