Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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