That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Operation Purity has been aborted
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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