Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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