She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
