So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
