we have officially lost it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
this hospital has no fireball
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
