Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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