hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You may now shotgun with the bride
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
