Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
