im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
