all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
