Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
