The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
