I accidentally burped into my bong.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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