So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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