I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
