WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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