i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
