somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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