god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
