There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize