i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
