where am i from again
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
