Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
