I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
ok first of all what the fuck
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize