her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
