I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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