11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
