Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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