I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
