Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
