my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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