You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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