I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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