we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
