You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
