We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
