Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
