i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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