my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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