I will die if light touches me.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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